Isn’t it frustrating how certain TOXIC personalities can infect our lives and drive us crazy? I try to live my life from the glass half-full perspective, but every now and then someone gets under my skin and puts me on the edge. Negative or passive aggressive people are toxic. You know who they – they’re the people who make you go ‘ugh’ inside when you see their name on the meeting invite list. They bring everybody down just by walking into the room. They blame others and make things more difficult than they have to be. Sometimes they suck up the energy in the room. It’s up to each one of us to not let that happen.
4 Tips for Dealing with Toxic Personalities
Speak up. If you wait and try to ride it out in silence, their nasty comments might fester inside of you. That’s added stress you don’t need. If you let them push your buttons too often, you might blurt out a snippy frustration yourself. Then you become the bad guy/girl. Either way you’re only hurting yourself. Call them on it as soon as you can. “Jane (or Fred), you’re probably not aware of what you said in that last meeting, but it didn’t sound like (or feel like) my ideas were valued or respected. This has happened more than once. Look, we have to work together, so I’d like to try to have a better working relationship with you…”
Be first to offer a compromise. “Let’s take a different approach to our communication. Is there anything I can do differently to support you more? (Be patient. Stay open. Share what you need/want.) Next time I’d like to ask you to be more aware of (words go here).”
End with a question. (avoid Y/N questions – that lets them escape too easily) “What are your thoughts? How do you think could we work together better?”
Expect the unexpected. Don’t be alarmed if they play the ‘What do you mean?’ card. “I wasn’t aware we were having a problem.” If they take this route, shut them down as tactfully as you can. “Jane/Fred, this has got to change. You’re more professional than this.”
Good luck. Changes won’t happen overnight. Until then, let’s hope the grumpy guys and girls call in sick tomorrow.
– Chris M